The Weakest Loyalties

It's that time of year again; the time of year when people write social media posts reflecting on their year - the good, the bad and the ugly. Unfortunately for me, 2018 has been a slow burn of awful, and I can't wait to see this year go away forever.

This was the year of inappropriate comments. "If I had a million dollars, I'd promote your coworkers to managers and hire a marketing manager because I don't think you can do it." "Do me a favor, at your next job, keep your depression to yourself." "We think you're suicidal." "You got what you deserved, you petulant child."

Words truly hurt more than anything else in this world. You can heal from broken bones, broken hearts, lacerations, etc. Words tend to sneak up into the folds of your brain and hide away, only peeking when they know you're at your weakest, most vulnerable stage.

I've been at this new job for six months, and in six months, my life has done nothing but stabilize. A boss that I truly loved gave her resignation and I'm facing being literally the only one on the payroll. Being overworked and underpaid, yet again. The six months before that, I suffered extreme emotional abuse from people that I trusted. The individuals who I thought were my friends, even after I chose to be brave and leave no longer want to have conversations and hang out with me. There's not a friendly face in sight where I once called home. Loyalties are often not as strong as they seem.

I can't say I didn't see it coming. I can't say I didn't see my name getting rubbed in the dirt, even after I was assured it wouldn't. I can't say that I didn't expect to be talked about, laughed about and overall disrespected when I'm not able to stand up for myself. The M.O. of the place I called home is only loyal as long as you are there.

Unfortunately, it breeds from the top down, infecting the world around it. You don't realize how truly ugly it is until you're so deeply intertwined, unable to escape without harming yourself. A sociopathic run organization is dangerous. The mass public is unaware of how heartless the leaders are to those willing to help them. They only see the "greater good". Nothing will change until the top changes, but how many people will be hurt and damaged before that happens?